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Losing_Sight
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Name: Carly
Country: United States
State: New York
Metro: Kingston
Birthday: 4/1/1991
Gender: Female
Interests:
Music&Art
Myspace(Myspace.com/carlzz)
Shopping
Hoodies
Dangley earings
Aol&Aim
Laying under the stars
Rain,Snow,Thunderstorms
School Delays,Snow Days,Half Days
Winter&Fall
Friends
Hello Kitty
Reading
Nail Polish&Makeup
Polka Dots,Hearts,Stars,Stripes
Text Messaging
Coheed and Cambria
and alot more.
Expertise: I wouldn't really say i have an expertise, but I am "good" at alot of things.
Occupation: Artist
Message: message meEmail: email me
Website: visit my website
AIM:  ImBurningStarxIV
AIM:  CarlyRocks91
AIM:  BuryMeInBlackxx7
AIM:  Carly0401
Member Since:
6/10/2004
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| i dont remember what the last post was about, i cant be bothered to even read it right now. ive said so many times im heading for a breakdown and i was so sad at points, but i think right now ive hit rock bottom. my mom knows i smoke my mom knows ive been drinking my mom knows ive been having sex and my mom knows ive been cutting since 6th grade. the first two things she had to find out from the cops calling her 3 in the morning the other night, to come pick me up i was in an accident. i went in to a ditch. i was driving past 9 obviously, i had been smoking a little bit before and i was drinking, but hours before, and i somehow passed the sobriety tests. on the way home, it wasnt probably the best time to tell her the other things but it was the only time i felt like i had the chance to just tell her everything, how i felt and how i felt about telling her and why i hadnt told her in the first place, earlier. i have no idea what my punishment is, but i know im not driving for a while, my car is out of line or whatever anyway. i have 3 tickets, and i already owe my dad 300 just from getting my car back. jaimes mom is making her pay half of my fines though. there were other people there, one got arrested for possesion of marijuana. the other ran, because hes wanted. im so scared for court. and the cop was such a bitch once we got to the station, she said she would see me in court and she would make sure i wouldnt be driving until i was 21 because i dont deserve to be on the her roads. im scared to death. ive lost all my mothers trust now. if we went any further up the road and went in the ditch it turned more into a hill and we could of gotten hurt, or died. i sort of wish i did die. my mom now thinks i should get help for cutting. one good thing out of the night though is john who has been mentioned in past posts im sure, showed me how good he is, and stopped me from drinking anymore. if he didnt stop me when he did, i could be dead. and even if one of the reasons i was out was because of him, im still thanking him. i like him so much. he really has gotten to me, lately, and i just find myself falling so hard. all i want to do is talk to him right now have him help me through this and just talk to me., i feel like i can just talk to him, which is amazing. i just want him to talk and show me he cares and just maybe find the part of him that wanted to be with me last year. because i think im finally ready for him. | | |
| tomorrows my birthday. 17. im losing weight ive been happy, i should continue to be happy but for some unsuspected unknown reason im pretty much heading for a breakdown. theres like 50 something days left of school or something i start a job next week til probably may june then i have another job june-august. i cant wait for summer to just be here. have a feeling its gonna be fun. um not really much to say, but felt like should say something . | | |
| i think im pretty good right now. thats all. bye | | |
| the one person i shouldnt miss at all, the one person i finally let go of, the one person i hate so much, the one person i cant have again, the one person that broke my heart so badly, the one person that makes me want to throw up when i see them, and all these other things, i fucking miss so much right now. | | |
| i didnt realize i havent updated in so long. not much has happened i guess. im not with john anymore. i find myself still in love with a guy in another country, that ive never met, and want a future with. you can call me crazy i already know i am. its not interfering with my love life here though. i really dont have one. i really liked john, i thought he changed but i just got trapped in another guys sweet talk and forgot all they wanted was sex. i never had sex with him but i know thats all he wanted. i still talk to him and not to mention hes calling right now but once again i find myself ignoring it. last time i hung out with him we smoked, things happened and it just showed me more that i let myself fall into some kind of dream. a dream that something can actually work between me and someone else. im caught in a fantasy even more now with the other country guy. i love him, no one can tell me i cant, i know its insane to be 16 and already thinking about a future with a 26 year old from another country as far away as france, but the more and more i think about it it sounds so great. he makes me feel so good, when im not questioning everything. i probably sound like a pathetic kid with a stupid dream that will never happen, but i really think it will. but if something better happens here and i found someone i wanted to spend my life with other than him, i would take that chance. im not waiting around for him or anything.
anyways im excited for the new year. for once ill probably celebrate it with a party. and whatever happens, happens.
im going on a diet im really going to do something for myself and really get myself to where i want to be and at the same time just have fun. im sick of not having alot to do and not having a job. i need to get my license. and i need to break out of my shell alittle more than i have. i cant be scared of stupid little things. | | |
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